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She was sitting in English class on the Friday just before Spring Break. No one in the class focused on reading because their minds were already wandering to the tropical places they had yet to go in the coming 24 hours. While talking to her friends about everything she was going to do over break, she was called down to the office.
“Can Gabriella Brown please come down to the office immediately?” The voice sounded serious and stern. She had no idea why she was being called down to the office. She knew she wasn’t in trouble because she never did anything to break school rules. Reluctantly, she gathered all her belongings and trudged down to the office.
She walked through the doors cautiously, not knowing what to expect. She saw her older sister sitting down in a slouched position. She walked slowly over to her sister and sat down in the chair beside her. They waited for what seemed like forever until finally their dad sauntered into the office. His face was red, his eyes puffy as if he had been crying.
“Dad, what happened?” she asked slowly. “Why were you crying? What’s going on?”
“She’s gone.” Their father replied. “She, I, your mother, she’s gone.”
“What do you mean she’s gone?” questioned her sister.
“She was on her way to work when there was an accident. She didn’t make it out alive girls, your mother is dead.” were the words their father managed to choke out.
“No.” her sister’s voice cracked. “No, not my mom.”
“How?” she asked. “How did she die?”
“It’s best if you don’t know” replied their father.
“Tell me!” she screamed angrily. She didn’t mean to scream at her vulnerable father. She had never seen him cry before, she just needed answers. How could her mom leave them? They needed her. They were leaving for Florida the next morning. It was a family vacation. Their mother had to be there. How could she have died? How did she die? The questions swarmed around her brain like a million mad mosquitoes.
“There was an accident. She died in an accident.”
“What happened in the accident dad? Tell me how she died!”
“She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Dad, how did my mom die!? Please tell me, how did she die?”
“She was shot Gabriella.” her father sobbed. “She was shot walking into work in a drive-by.”
She looked at her sister. They were both pale; and there was an answering horror in their eyes. Her sister broke down immediately. Before they knew how her mother died, their faces were blank. They didn’t know how to react to such a thing. They saw on the news and in the newspaper how kid’s parents died but they never thought it could actually happen to them. She was better off not knowing how her mother died, and hearing it left a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
That was that. Gabriella didn’t have a mom anymore; neither did her sister. Their mother was gone, and their father no longer had a wife. Knowing how their mother was killed made it worse. They would have been better off oblivious, but she didn’t listen.
This was a very creative way to get your point across! It's funny how we always end up writing about the same thing. I feel like your story could have done a little more showing instead of telling, but other than that, nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great short story! I like how you used the eagerness of Utterson and Co. in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and mirrored it in your own story. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteLoved the story! Such an emotional piece but really focusing on what you were trying to portray. Maybe do a little more showing than telling. This was awesome though!
ReplyDeleteThe title of this is great, it drew me in and made me wonder what the piece could be about. Your stories always have interesting plots. Can you please write a happy story once?! The showing instead of telling thing is the only correction I'd say to make. It was a great story, and a really good point that you made. Nicely done(:
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